She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
