did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
