shes about as inviting as chlamydia
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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