a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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