so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
