4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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