well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
