She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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