Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
