Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
