I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
