Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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