I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize