i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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