Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I deserve this hangover.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
