I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She told me I should be a condom model.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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