so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
