this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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