What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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