They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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