I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
