So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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