The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
