I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
