just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
