return my video game
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize