How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
