The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
