He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
