Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
