exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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