My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
false alarm. still invincible.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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