So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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