i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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