Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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