Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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