Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
