why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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