What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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