clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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