I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize