When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
