And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
