i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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