it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You made out with two different species that night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
