i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
