Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
