Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize