I haven't been this sober since birth.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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