I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
