I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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