I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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