every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
