idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
