Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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