So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
