We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
