you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
