You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
