I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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