OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
